why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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