My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
