BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
