oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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