I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
