The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
