Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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