im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
