Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
