You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
