she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
