I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
this boner is exhausting
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
