Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I am naked and annoyed.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
