and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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