I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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