A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
