so that wasnt chicken after all
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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