my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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