Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
