I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
