Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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