do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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