I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize