I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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