Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
