I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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