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Fuck
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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