guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
