There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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