i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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