The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
