i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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