ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
