I look better un-naked...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
