wrigley field is MILF paradise
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
