if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
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im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
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I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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