I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize