Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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