You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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