my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
