i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
