quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
