smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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