Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
