were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
