I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
