I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
