nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
