well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
