So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
