i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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