I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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