Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
