dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
