Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
