You can't motorboat a personality
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
