Your dad touched me again.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
