ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
