i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
