ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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