You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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