Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
