I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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