it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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