Redeem this text for a blowjob
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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