im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
