I hate your face
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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