well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
