You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
